Today I was going to share with you the amazing-ness of my weekend but that will have to wait until tomorrow because I just had to share what is quite possibly the most terrifying moment of my life to date.
Scene: My hair still wet from the shower, I'm gathering some laundry and getting ready to put them in the washer. Anyways, the dogs start barking to go outside and i opened the back door to let them out.
I'm walking around mindlessly outside, waiting for them to do their deed, when I see it out of the corner of my eye.
But it couldn't be... could it? something *that* big cannot possibly be a spider... right? That has to be something else. I slowly inch my way towards it and I count... 1, 2, 3, 4... 7, 8 longer than life legs... I break out in a sweat.
As i rush to let the dogs in...the spider decides to head straight for my kitchen. And it just stops...between the door and me. Keep in mind that i'm still outside but not wanting to go anywhere near the OPEN (i might add) door.
I somehow manage to jump over the spider as it comes INSIDE and starts crawling on my wall. At that point i'm freaking out.
My thoughts:
"HolyShitWhereIsMyFianceWhenINeedHimToAttackTheEnemyWithHisBoots. Calm down, Steph it's just a spider... larger than an infants fist. eff you uncle sam, this is all your fault. I really need to take a picture, no one is going to believe me. This is SO going on my blog. Oh my god I have nothing to kill this thing with. I'm barefoot... it's sensing weakness... where ARE all my shoes?!"
I then proceeded to (1) take a picture, (2) find a shoe that I didn't care for but sturdy enough to kill the damn thing with one blow, and one blow only.
I got on a chair in the kitchen, never taking my eyes off the spider and stroke - somehow the thing flew off the wall and I screamed bloody murder, I'm honestly surprised the cops didn't show up after I screamed but anyway, I got off the chair. The spider laid on my dining room floor, dead but I still hit it a few more times with my shoe while saying "ew, ew, ew" the entire time. Gloves on (kid you not) I picked it up with a paper towel and took it straight outside in a bag. Victory!
Now I cannot stop searching every where in case one of these things sneaks up on me again. I do NOT do spiders people. I just don't. So I ask one thing, spiders please stay away until my fiance comes back and he can deal with you all on his own, pretty please? Thanks... One heart attack is enough.
"HolyShitWhereIsMyFianceWhenINeedHimToAttackTheEnemyWithHisBoots. Calm down, Steph it's just a spider... larger than an infants fist. eff you uncle sam, this is all your fault. I really need to take a picture, no one is going to believe me. This is SO going on my blog. Oh my god I have nothing to kill this thing with. I'm barefoot... it's sensing weakness... where ARE all my shoes?!"
I then proceeded to (1) take a picture, (2) find a shoe that I didn't care for but sturdy enough to kill the damn thing with one blow, and one blow only.
I got on a chair in the kitchen, never taking my eyes off the spider and stroke - somehow the thing flew off the wall and I screamed bloody murder, I'm honestly surprised the cops didn't show up after I screamed but anyway, I got off the chair. The spider laid on my dining room floor, dead but I still hit it a few more times with my shoe while saying "ew, ew, ew" the entire time. Gloves on (kid you not) I picked it up with a paper towel and took it straight outside in a bag. Victory!
Now I cannot stop searching every where in case one of these things sneaks up on me again. I do NOT do spiders people. I just don't. So I ask one thing, spiders please stay away until my fiance comes back and he can deal with you all on his own, pretty please? Thanks... One heart attack is enough.
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