Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Chin Up: Military Life is What You Make of It

Your attitude is so important to being a successful Military s/o! The Military is always throwing curve balls – training that lasts twice as long as it is suppose to, deployments that get extended just when you thought he was coming home and that occasional paycheck that never appears in your bank account. You will definitely deal with your share of obstacles. How you come out in the end depends on the attitude you had going in.

Some women I know who have being a Military wife/girlfriend down pat are those who see this as an adventure. And really when you think about it, it is just that! It is all in the way you look at things. Take the whole moving experience for example. You can look at it in two ways…

"I cannot believe we just got PCS orders to move AGAIN! We haven’t even been here very long at all. Now I have to pack all of our things, say goodbye to another set of friends and move to this strange place. I heard the base is horrible and on base housing should be condemned even though there’s a 12 month waiting list. This is going to be the worst two years of my life."


"Well, in the civilian world, you would have to take all this time off to research cities to see which one would be the best fit for your family. You have to spend precious time agonizing over the right decision, the right job, the right place. Not us! We get our direction on a little piece of paper called orders. They tell us where to go so we don’t have to decide. I get to meet new people every few years and now have a network of friends around the world. In all likelihood, I’ll never have to pay for a hotel room again because there’s not too many places we could go where there isn’t someone we know. My kids will learn to adapt to change well which will only help them when they graduate from college and enter the real world with their first job."

Ok, so maybe that one is a little too upbeat but you get the picture. Your mind and your attitude are very strong. If you tell yourself things are going to be horrible, then you will subconsciously search out things that will validate those beliefs. You will overlook the good and only search for the bad. But the same is also true in reverse. When you expect things to be exciting, you will search out things that will validate those beliefs as well.

There is an old story from a Chicken Soup for the Soul book that talks about a wife wrecking their car. When she tells her husband about it, she says there’s no need to be upset. We can have a wrecked car and be angry about it or we can have a wrecked car and be happy about it – either way we have a wrecked car.

So next time, you get that unexpected surprise from the Military…just tell yourself, we can be angry about this or happy about this but either way, this is still happening. Wouldn’t you rather be happy?

Is that a new signature i see? Why, yes it is! ;)

Tuesday, April 2, 2013


Believe it or not pride has a lot to do with how we act in relationships.

The question is, when is pride a good or bad thing in a relationship?

I believe that pride is an asset especially in the beginning of a relationship. Your pride helps to hold up your high standards. Pride won’t let you be second place to anyone and therefore reflects yourself worth. This type of pride, demonstrated by love for self, is healthy in the beginning of a relationship.
Pride should be the reason you don’t give too much of yourself too early in the relationship. 

Example: Don’t call or text, let him contact you! Don’t offer to go to his place, let him come to you. Don’t buy him expensive gifts, let him lavish you. The key is to let him express how much he likes you before you reciprocate.

Ladies, even if you are head over heels for a guy, don’t show it! Let your pride hold you back from making yourself vulnerable. Allow the guy to chase you enough before you give in. The disadvantages of lacking Pride and thus giving too much of yourself to early are as follows:

*Men will most likely take advantage of a woman who gives too much too soon and not appreciate her.

*A man is more likely to get tired of women who gives too much.

*Giving too much too soon will NOT advance the relationship compared to a woman who is more reserved.

Now ladies, onto the flip side. If you thought holding on to your pride was hard, letting go of your pride is even harder! Once you are in a long term, loving relationship, knowing when to let go of pride is the tricky part. You must be confident in yourself and in your partner. Letting go of pride requires a mature person. Letting go of pride should be done by a woman who knows where she stands in the relationship and has a mutual emotional dependency with her partner. Love and respect must be unquestionable and in full effect.

Bottom line: Once love is born, pride dies. For those who study love understand that pride is the opposite of love. If you really love someone you will do things that pride once prevented you to do. Consider the deeper things in life you do for love like: forgiveness, affection, acts of service and kindness, give gifts, and use words of endearment.

A Jazz icon that I admire, Sade, states, “Love is stronger than pride.”

My advice is: Let pride go and let love grow!