Those of you who have gone month's without their man know what I mean when I say lonely. Often when my soldier is away I tried to look to others for comfort, and in return they only said, "at least you have someone." I cannot explain in words how frustrating that was to hear. It was infuriating. I was less lonely when I was single.
When I was single, I didn't know what I was missing. I went to bed lonely, but not with the same loneliness of knowing the exact person I longed for. When I was single, I had a hope of meeting someone, and at the same time, I didn't have a close personal attachment to any one person. Being in a relationship with a soldier or anyone in the military is difficult because you know exactly who you want, and you know that the reason you can't be with them is part of the reason you love them so dearly.
What is even more infuriating is someone who tries to sympathize by saying they know what you're going through when they actually don't. "I miss my boyfriend so much when I don't see him for a few days!" they cry. Now I know what a blessing it was to see him multiple times a month. If you have daily telephone interaction with your boyfriend, don't try to say your pain is the same as mine. If you can speak to your boyfriend online everyday, don't try to say your pain is the same as mine. I understand that you miss him slightly, but I know that my situation is entirely different. "I don't know how you do it!" they will sometimes say. This is flattering, but to be honest, I don't know how we Military wives/girlfriends do it either.
The loneliness goes further than that. It goes into knowing that you don't have the ability to tell the person you confide in most all the little things you want to voice during the day. By the time you actually talk to your soldier, you have forgotten everything you wanted to tell them except "I love you." There is no one but your mother and your best friend to hug you when you're sad, and you know that their hugs aren't quite as comforting. He can't be there to give you advice. He can't be there to defend you. Sometimes the thing I miss the most is just sitting with him in silence, enjoying his company and how unforced it is.
Then, you worry. You worry endlessly. What if he gets hurt? What if he dies? What if he stops loving me? What if he changes? What if he develops PTSD? What if I get hurt? What if I change? Will it be the same when he comes back? I don't know about anyone else, but I am always so nervous to see my soldier after an absence. I am always wrong to worry, too. Whenever I see his face again, it is the only thing I can see, and my eyes blur over with the tears of all my suppressed emotions. He lights up my whole world.
Being a military s/o is very rewarding as well. The strain distance can put on a relationship is sometimes just what the relationship needs. It needs a test. It can make a couple appreciate one another more, and it can teach them how to communicate more efficiently. When your talk time is limited, you only say the things that truly matter.
I am so proud of him. He has risen to many challenges. He has taken so much responsibility. He is so strong and so able. He is Army strong. Come on, how many other girls can say that their boyfriends survived a gas chamber?
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