The Difficult, the Infuriating, and the Rewarding...

Those of you who have gone month's without their man know what I mean when I say lonely. Often when my soldier is away I tried to look to others for comfort, and in return they only said, "at least you have someone." I cannot explain in words how frustrating that was to hear. It was infuriating. I was less lonely when I was single.

When I was single, I didn't know what I was missing. I went to bed lonely, but not with the same loneliness of knowing the exact person I longed for. When I was single, I had a hope of meeting someone, and at the same time, I didn't have a close personal attachment to any one person. Being in a relationship with a soldier or anyone in the military is difficult because you know exactly who you want, and you know that the reason you can't be with them is part of the reason you love them so dearly.

What is even more infuriating is someone who tries to sympathize by saying they know what you're going through when they actually don't. "I miss my boyfriend so much when I don't see him for a few days!" they cry. Now I know what a blessing it was to see him multiple times a month. If you have daily telephone interaction with your boyfriend, don't try to say your pain is the same as mine. If you can speak to your boyfriend online everyday, don't try to say your pain is the same as mine. I understand that you miss him slightly, but I know that my situation is entirely different. "I don't know how you do it!" they will sometimes say. This is flattering, but to be honest, I don't know how we Military wives/girlfriends do it either.

The loneliness goes further than that. It goes into knowing that you don't have the ability to tell the person you confide in most all the little things you want to voice during the day. By the time you actually talk to your soldier, you have forgotten everything you wanted to tell them except "I love you." There is no one but your mother and your best friend to hug you when you're sad, and you know that their hugs aren't quite as comforting. He can't be there to give you advice. He can't be there to defend you. Sometimes the thing I miss the most is just sitting with him in silence, enjoying his company and how unforced it is.

Then, you worry. You worry endlessly. What if he gets hurt? What if he dies? What if he stops loving me? What if he changes? What if he develops PTSD? What if I get hurt? What if I change? Will it be the same when he comes back? I don't know about anyone else, but I am always so nervous to see my soldier after an absence. I am always wrong to worry, too. Whenever I see his face again, it is the only thing I can see, and my eyes blur over with the tears of all my suppressed emotions. He lights up my whole world.

Being a military s/o is very rewarding as well. The strain distance can put on a relationship is sometimes just what the relationship needs. It needs a test. It can make a couple appreciate one another more, and it can teach them how to communicate more efficiently. When your talk time is limited, you only say the things that truly matter.

I am so proud of him. He has risen to many challenges. He has taken so much responsibility. He is so strong and so able. He is Army strong. Come on, how many other girls can say that their boyfriends survived a gas chamber?

Operation: Stand By Your Man

I was a part of the Facebook page "Military Wives, Girlfriends and Fiances"...however they shut the page down. I was addicted to that page and was on it almost every day. I joined a few other support pages and after i posted questions seeking advice that would never got answered, I realized i wanted to create a space for women to come to for advice and to be assured their questions would be answered! I knew it would be hard to create a trust worthy page by myself so i asked a friend of mine, Kailene. Why not? She had been involved in this military lifestyle for years. I needed someone with a good amount of experience to make this work. So we teamed up and created Operation: Stand By Your Man & Operation: Stand By Your Man XXX. We created this to store our information, gather helpful tips, and to create a fun space for military s/o's to come to when the last thing they want to think about is the military! 

Update: 4/21/12 

We have reached over a thousand likes on the page and continue to get more each day. I've met so many fabulous women and love hearing their stories! We get over 50 emails a day from women all over the United States, asking for advice. Since the creation of the page Kailene and i have added Ashley, Crystal, Amanda, Kate and Myrna to the admin family. We've done really well and we actually have 3,000 likes now! The page keeps growing and soon we'll have 10,000 fans! 

Do ya feel lucky?

Well do ya? I'm sorry, I can't help but hear Clint Eastwood in my head...or for the younger set...ya'll probably heard Jim Carrey. Anyway, that is so not my point!! I was over at Seven Inches of Sense and Joan has the most awesome post today. She perfectly captures the uncertainty and confusion and well, downright risk that is involved in military relationships.

Even the "good" ones are scary. Being a girlfriend sucks! Not all the time, mind you, but when it comes to getting support or even basic information...well you've got a better chance watching CNN than asking the FRG (Family Readiness Group) for help.

I will admit, I lucked out having Operation: Stand By Your Man, and the awesome girls with the FRG for Austin's unit. I made some great friends and a couple of them have actually continued to keep in contact with me even after all the drama. I really love you guys (for the record, thank you!)

Most girlfriends aren't so lucky...and honestly, if Kailene had not been a part of the group, they probably wouldn't have welcomed me with open arms either. See, as a girlfriend, I lacked a crucial piece of paper that apparently is the only way to prove loyalty. It appears that the ring on my finger meant nothing. I asked one of the wives about the seeming hatred that most girlfriends experience...her response:

"Well, most wives see you all as transitory...girlfriends are here one week, gone the next. It's not worth the effort to get to know them...most of the time."

So what about those of us who do choose to stick it out during the rough times? Will we be forever regulated to second class citizenship just because we didn't rush into a marriage? I'm not knocking the people who decide to push their weddings up because of a deployment. I understand completely, at least once you possess a piece of paper, the military is required to share information with you. Otherwise, you are left to the kindness of others and your own resourcefulness...

I do realize that it is incredibly difficult to tell at first whether a girlfriend is going to be in it for the long haul...but at the same time, I think that it would be easier for scared, insecure, worried girlfriends to stick around if they weren't having to prove their loyalty at every turn. (And for the record, I know of many, many wives who were far less loyal than most girlfriends...but casting blame doesn't get us anywhere and the point here is to bridge the gap.) That's why it's such a blessing to so many of us to find online support groups to help us get through the deployment time.

Missing Him More Than Ever

I miss him so much. I don't even know what to do anymore. It seems like he's been gone for forever. I feel so alone knowing i can't be next to him. All i want is him. I miss him so much that i can't even function anymore. I can't sleep anymore because he's not with me, i can barley eat and i don't even focus at work anymore. I realize we fight, but we always come through for each other. I'm quite tired of arguing. Almost to the point where i act like i don't care. Only because i'm at a loss for words. I don't have the strength to argue with him anymore. So i'll let him win. All i want to do is talk to him now. Not that i didn't always, but a lot more than i normally do. I guess it's because the distance is taking it's toll on me. I'm never going to give up on him. I know he is worth it. I'm laying in my bed missing him, like always. He's always on my mind. I'm trying to be strong for him but i feel like he's watching me fall apart. I love him more and more each day, which makes him not being here that much harder...god i miss him.....when will this get easier? I can't even think anymore...

"She who waits serves too."

What It Takes.

It can be said that all relationships are work, but being involved in a military relationship adds another level of difficulty to the mix. The military has its own lifestyle, language, expectations and complications. Being with a military man is not always easy but it can be worth it. The key to a successful military relationship is to cope with the ups and downs of military life.

1. Decide if military life is for you. Before you run headlong into love, determine if you are up to the challenge. Being a military girlfriend means dealing with deployments, his buddies, military formalities, military acronyms and sometimes coming second to the military. If you are not ready for that and more, move on to another man.

2. Learn to be independent. Be aware that your boyfriend can be swept away by his service at any time. Although you can depend on him, you have to depend on yourself more. Learn to do things on your own. Be brave and try new things. Find hobbies to mask your waiting time.

3. Build a trusting and communicative relationship. Talk with each other about everything. Be completely honest with one another. Be patient with your military boyfriend when he can't always talk to you. Know that he does care about you, even when he can't always show it. Trust his decision.

4. Join an online military girlfriend support group or forum. Many of the military wife forums also welcome girlfriends. Shop around before picking one that suits you. Each forum and group has its own personality. You want to meet people who match your needs. The women in the groups can answer your questions, lend a listening ear and understand your situation when no one else can.

5. Learn the basics of military acronyms. Every branch of the military has its own language and acronyms.

6. Know his MOS, what he actually DOES, where he's stationed, his unit and rank. Otherwise you'll look stupid when someone asks you any of these and you don't know.

7. Meet other people in your military man's unit. I would suggest going with him and meet the guys he works with as well as their wives and girlfriends. When you are a military girlfriend, you are often left out of the loop when it comes to the dissemination of unit information. The unit tells things to the wives, but not to the girlfriends.

8. Get used to military time. It's not 6 p.m., it's 1800 hours. Also get used to them arriving at functions at least 15 minutes early. Military men are punished when they are late, so being early becomes a habit that bleeds into their everyday life.

9. Prepare yourself for a deployment. Whether for a few months or a couple of years, deployments are a reality. Although he may not be deploying today, it doesn't mean he can't be tomorrow. Prepare for the worst. Just in case.

The Ugly Truth's Of These Army Wives & Girlfriends.

There are just some wives out there that can't open their mouth without a lie coming out. And, boy, do they talk about their husband's all the time. This is the same for Army girlfriends, but i see it more with the wives. This is when you want to slap them in the face and tell them NOBODY CARES! You hear their shit all the time, it is either me, me, me .... oh and of course, me. Or, it is my husband this, my husband is promoting to this, my husband that. It is annoying to hear them ramble about their "perfect" life ALL THE FREAKING TIME! In reality, their life isn't perfect. Whose is? But, usually, these wives are the most pathetic and unhappy people on the planet.

Warning: I can and will be cruel for the rest of the posting.

Every wife I have met, that had this most perfect life they have to brag about 24/7, turned out to be unhappy. Trying to make people envy your life, isn't going to change what goes on at home. And, every achievement one woman does...they have done better. And, it seems that money grows on trees for them. They brag about what labels they have, or how much clothes shopping they did because they lost weight. I'm sorry, but everyone has noticed how you have NOT lost weight. Bragging about going to the gym everyday and losing weight is such a bald face lie when everyone has noticed how you can't fit through your front door anymore. And, to top it all off, we all notice how these wives have the most miserables husbands on the face of the planet. They are embarrassed to be with their wives! It is so obvious, a blind man could sense it. This does not apply to all wives, only to those who wake up every morning and lie about their lives every day so they can feel important.

Brag about your husbands all you want, but they are in the military with the same general purpose....to serve their country. So, why brag? There is no point besides trying to make yourself the queen of something. It pisses me off so bad, SO BAD, when these wives make themselves like such righteous beings but then rub it in every wife's face about how their life is better. From their vehicles, pay, rank, how many kids they have, clothes, houses, what new thing their "husband bought for them" (really it is what they bought themselves, thanks for their husband fighting for our country), volunteering (just a show, and 99% of the time a lie), FRG, etc. etc. We all know these wives, and they know who they are. They try to make out like they are the best of friends and a wife that is so knowledgeable about deployments to come talk to, but they are really in a corner crying most of the time because they can't handle the truth and break down on their own time because life and the military is too confusing for them.

Some, not all, of these wives are so freakin full of themselves, it isn't a wonder their husbands either mess around on them or think about it. (Not all husbands fit into this category) Wives that are so controlling and so obnoxious, the husband can't take it any longer. Honestly, sad to say but true, most of these wives are a bit on the heavy side. Because they let themselves go after marriage and sit on their fat lazy asses all freakin day. And, no, baby fat is not an excuse after one year or even 6 years after your last child. Health issues are a different story, and understandable. I am only referring to those fat wives that don't do shit! It may seem that i have something against Army wives, in some ways i do. Only because from the one's i've seen have married into the military for the wrong reasons, therefore i don't have anything nice to say about them.

So, anyway, just so they can take sit, collect U.S. government money and benefits, have pity parties about their husband is a soldier (oh yes, we are all crying here for you), let people pat them on the back and thank you for your service as a wife (sorry, what service?), and, can't forget this one, to let people be awed by their "perfect" life. Okay, this is where I get confused with these wives. Do you want us to cry for you or do you want us to want your perfect life? One minute it is "Oh, my soldier has been gone this long for deployment, But, don't worry, it is a sacrifice I make" or it is the "my life is so freakin perfect....envy me!". Which one is it? We are all dying to know. There are too many wives to count that are like this.

Seriously, do these women pick up on how miserable their husbands are? They are dense if they don't. With these wives, deployment is a vacation to these men. That is why they volunteer to stay back later with extra duties. That is why they try to stay at work as long as possible. That is why they can't wait for more training to be away for just a few days from the bitching and waking up every morning next to that. That is why he gladly reenlist and prays every night for another deployment to be away from her, or at least lots of long training at different posts. Who would blame them? Not all of them are like this, and not all of them cheat on their wives. Some of them are discusting. But after reading some post's and listening to some Army wives. I don't think i can blame them. Is it not exhausting!? After coming home from work they have to sit up and listen to you rant MORE about the Army. Here's a quick fix. STOP ALREADY.

Honestly, i'm no Army wife. I might be later on in life, but as of now, no. And even if i WAS an Army wife at this moment, it wouldn't matter. I love my boyfriend for who he is, not his rank, or his MOS. I think these women forget that SOMETIMES it's not all about the Army. Tell some other story about your relationship that does NOT include some aspect of the Military! It's tiring to hear about it, i can only IMAGINE what it's like to talk about it. I understand that sometimes they might feel sad and upset, lonely. But talking about what bull shit the Army has done to you and your family is getting old. If you feel the need to talk about it, write about it instead. SPARE us. That way no one else has to read or hear about it. A couple, "I miss you's, or I love you's" are perfectly fine. It's the, "OMFG, my husband (boyfriend) is deploying. I don't know how i'll live. My life is over." How about we just translate that to, "Please give me sympathy because now that he is leaving i will have no one." Either you knew what you were coming into prior to the relationship, or you were already in the relationship when your s/o joined. Either way, you aren't the only one going through it!! So stop acting like your situation is sooo much different. It's not.

So, really? Your life is perfect? Why can't your husband or boyfriend stand you? Why can't you keep your trap shut about made up lies about your life? Why does every wife or girlfriend tend to roll her eyes when you turn your back? If you want to keep your man and your precious life as an army wife or girlfriend, hit the gym more and put an effort. Get up in the morning and cook him breakfast. Clean the house. Actually LOVE him, not the rank or the U.S. Army name tape. Wives back in the day got up before the sun rose to starch and iron her husband's uniform, shine his boots, make him breakfast, and be a GOOD wife to her husband before, during, and after work. And, they went months without hearing a word if their s/o's were safe when wars killed thousands in one day. Army wife life is easy now. It's not even half as much effort as wives 50 years ago went through. So stop your crying and be an ARMY WIFE. Not a fake title.

One Year Anniversary!

We've finally reached our one year mark! I'm so happy! It might not seem like a really long time to be dating but i feel like it's been forever! Needless to say i feel accomplished. I never thought we would last this long. Not because i didn't believe in our relationship but because we were so far away from each other that i had my doubts. Now that we've made it through our first year together i know that we can overcome anything.

I flew to Washington on October 27th. LONGEST FLIGHT EVER! I stayed until November 1st. I was so excited to see him. He picked me up and we went to Denny's. It seems like we're always eating there. Afterwards we checked into our hotel. It felt so nice to sleep next to him again. It's the best feeling i have. I also sleep better than ever when i'm with him. I think it's a comfort thing. I always feel safe with him. The next morning i woke up early, which i never do. I think it's because i usually sleep the day away when i go up there so this time i wanted to be awake with him as much as possible. I love the feeling i get when i'm with him. It always feels so new every time i see him again. I love it.

Throughout the weekend we went to see Paranormal Activity and Footloose. (or as Austin calls it..."Footgroove") We also went to the mall and walked around, looking at different things. We ate out a lot. I don't know why but whenever we're together we eat all the time. I think it's because if he doesn't eat, he gets cranky and then he pisses me off. We went to a haunted house and it was SCARY. I was basically latched onto Austin the ENTIRE time. And i think i twisted my neck somehow...

We went to his friend Bobby's house for their little Halloween party. Everyone was pretty nice and Austin looked adorable in his Pokey costume!! I hated the fact that i couldn't see his face half the night, but that was okay. I was a beast at beer pong though! What what?! My back hurt from carrying Austin...;)

Before we left for the party!

My little Pokey!

I love him!

Uh oh...look who's in trouble.

Austin's 'serious' face.

On our anniversary we went to eat at Olive Garden...semi fancy...yeah. Austin and i are like that couple that doesn't care what we do as long as we're together. We don't need to go to fancy places and make things all dramatic because we just love being with each other. I'm so happy to have him in my life. I couldn't ask for a better guy in my life. He's as perfect as they come. I love you snookums!

The Bigger Picture.

Did you ever have plans for yourself when you were a little girl/boy? Things that you swore you'd do at a certain age, and things you swore you'd NEVER do? For me, as long as I can remember, I always told myself I'd never date someone in the military. I couldn't imagine having a loved one be sent off to war or wonder what they are going through each day. I told myself I'd never get myself involved with that. Ever. 

How did I let this happen?! How did I let a sweet, intelligent and perfect man sweep me off my feet and then leave me for the Army? How did I let myself become so "fallen" that I even said I'd wait for him? That I'd be with him? That I'd suffer through this with him?

Anyway, I've been taking it in stride and laugh at the fact that when you ask for lemons, life hands you watermelons. When you ask for snow you get rain, when you want chocolate you get vanilla, and so on. But I find you have to trust in a higher power and know that things will work out for the best. Going without much communication with him has nearly turned me into a crazy person various amounts of times, but I have not lost my cool yet.

If you are a girlfriend of someone joining the military, below is a "how-to" or a survival guide" to follow for the beginning.

1.~Establish the feelings between each other before he leaves. Know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you both want the same thing out of each other.

2.~Establish what you both will expect from each other, i.e. frequency of letters, phone calls, visits, etc.

3.~Visits can get expensive. Work out the details of that before they start.

4.~Have someone you can confide in who understands what you're going through. A friend, family member, etc.

5.~Join an online group. There are a lot of online support groups out there, especially dedicated to girlfriends of military service men. They are really supportive.

6.~GOOGLE. Seriously, I have found out a lot just by researching online.

7.~Remain calm, say prayers, and love, as much as you can.

Military Relationships.

What Have I Got Myself Into?

Unless you hung around an army barracks’ front gate with your knickers conveniently already draped around your ankles at 1:20 am on a Saturday morning in order to bag your man, you probably did not go looking for a military partner. In my case, coming from an impressive military lineage, I thought I knew what to expect. How terribly misguided of me. 

Dating my other half was a shock to my system, not eased much by the sugar coated glossy half-truths he sweetly fed me at the beginning of our relationship. 

The problem, if you consider it such, is that I will never walk away from him, because he is my best friend and my soul mate. But, by god, sometimes I want to. I curse the military more than I ever cursed any girl who tried to steal an old boyfriend, more than during any childhood argument with my older sister after she had borrowed and broken a prized possession. The Ministry of Defense (known in my house as “the f*cking army”) is my other half’s other woman. In fact she is worse than that. She is his controller, his dictator. She owns him. He spends more time with her than with me, and if we are about to make plans she will come along and royally fuck them all up for us. Dealing with this is difficult for both parties, as the desire to rant and scream at him for something beyond his control is sometimes impossible to resist. “Please don't blame me, I want to be with you as much as you with me.” “I’m not angry at you, it’s not your fault, I’m angry at the army.”

So what pearls of wisdom can I offer to anyone who has found themselves in this situation after falling in love with one of these men in green? 

The army will somewhat ruin your life. Control your life. The army will ensure you have no partner at Thanksgiving, possibly Christmas and no partner on Valentine's Day. Your birthday will not be spent with your other half, you will learn to rely utterly on your friends and family. Forget anniversaries, genuinely, forget they exist. You cannot be the kind of person to take offense when no card or flowers arrive on your special day, because if you are, you are in the wrong relationship. You are basically a single woman and will be for the rest of your life, strengthened in the knowledge that in spirit he is with you the entire time in everything that you do. I've heard him say “I wish i was there with you. I'm sorry.” more times than I've seen him walk through the door. Expect to have to trust your partner implicitly. You will not know where he is ninety percent of the time, or who he is with. He feels the same about you, an open honest relationship is the only way long distance (for this is essentially what this relationship is, even if he lives an hour away) will work. 

Want to make romantic plans for a weekend away? Forget it. Well, don't forget it, but be prepared for these plans to have to be cancelled last minute, as she in her infinite wisdom has decided he is needed for some task. Often these tasks appear meaningless and useless. Invest in travel insurance. Try not to snap at him when he cannot go somewhere or do something. Patience must be your strongest virtue, kindness and the ability to bite your tongue the closest second. PTSD. Be aware of the symptoms. Be aware that he may not ever be able, or wish, to recognise that he has it. Know that there are some things he may never wish to share, and that at the same time he might serve his years blessed in that he does not experience anything awful at all. You do not know and will never know more about the Army than he does. Do not listen to the idle gossip of other military wives and girlfriends. 

                                                                 LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE.

Have your own career, your own dreams. If you invest too much in his life and his work and dreams, your own happiness will suffer. Treat him as an equal, not a superior, but understand that his job involves a certain amount of flexibility. Keep your friends close and your family even closer. You will need them.

Without wishing to sound too negative, I would not wish this life on anyone. The reason I have this path ahead of me is because the love of my life chose this career for himself before we met, which by chance, was in a crowded mass of people. He is my best friend and I support him fully, as he does me. However, if he did not support me, if he was not my best friend, if I wasn’t completely and utterly in love with him, I would be running for the hills. This is going to be hard but I have decided to stand by him and deal with it. This is, therefore, the mentality I have adopted and it is one I cannot let falter, for both of our sakes.

Wife vs. Army Wife?

I have read some stuff lately that has really bothered me. And since I have all this time on my hands, I've had time to think about it. I struggle with the label "army girlfriend" or "army wife" on a personal level anyway. But when these young army wives and girlfriends use the term to define themselves, it really makes me wonder about them as individual people. I know many people just use the term as what it simply means, you are married to an army soldier. It doesn't define you. Its not a special club. Its not a cookie cutter mold of who you're supposed to be. And when said to another "army wife" it says it all.

My problem with the term is not only the generalizations that can be made, but the fact that many girls want to use it as a special buzz word, like a secret hand shake for some club. I read something the other day... "I am many things... But most importantly, I am the Girlfriend of a United States Soldier." Well, let me tell you something my friend, I am many things, but "army girlfriend"  isn't at the top of my list.

I'm an individual.
I'm a strong independent women.
I'm a daughter.
I'm a sister.
I'm a niece.
I'm a friend.
I'm a cousin.
I'm an employee.
I'm a co-worker
I'm a friend.

The "I'm an army wife/girlfriend" hat doesn't come on until all of those other commitments are taken care of. I love my boyfriend. It honestly doesn't matter to me if he's a soldier or a teacher or a ph.d physicist. I would love him no matter what.  I'm incredibly proud of the path he's chosen, but his life doesn't define mine. His job may direct our lives, but it doesn't make me who I am. Honestly, his job doesn't even make him who he is. It might dictate his haircut, but not the kind of person he is inside.

I worry about these girls that fight so hard to be "army wives." So what happens when being an "army girlfriend" doesn't work out? What happens when you get a divorce? I've seen far too many people still saying they are a "former army wife." I honestly just don't get it. Is it the drama? Is it the romance that most think our lives consist of? And of course I've seen far to many young girls chase those ACU's. That confuses me the most. So you're dating him just because he's a soldier? Just because he wears a uniform? Let me tell you, I know LOTS of soldiers. And many of them are just scumbags and losers!! Just because he is sporting the uniform and the haircut doesn't make him a stand-up guy. But that's a whole different blog. My point is, be with the guy because you love him and he loves you, not because you want to get on Twitter and label yourself as an Army wife or girlfriend.

Yes, when in conversation, the term speaks volumes. I can tell multiple people i'm an army girlfriend, but they still know nothing about ME. And so I struggle with labeling myself that. Even struggled naming my blog that. But I have two blogs. Did you know that? I have another blog just for ME and my non-army girlfriend life. Because I need somewhere to forget about all the stupid Army jargon that's been thrown at me for the last year. I need a place where I can be a daughter and a sister and a dog lover without the weird overtones and connotations of being labeled an Army girlfriend.

I really don't mean to offend anyone. It's just an observation that I've made over the last few months. I want these young women to take value in their lives outside of their mans career and haircut...

I'm Ready For Fall!

I'm so excited to finally be in semi-cold weather! October is around the corner! Which means Austin and I's one year, Halloween the Texas State Fair!! I can't even begin to express my excitement. I love wearing winter clothes and buying long sleeve shirts, boots, scarfs and etc. I can't believe it's gonna be one year since i started dating Austin. This has by far, been the longest year of my life, but surprisingly it went by super fast. I hope the next year and a half will be the same way. I guess you could say i learned a lot during this past year. Especially with the Army. I never thought i'd know as much as i do now. It makes me really happy to know that i have actually stood by Austin this long. Not that i had doubts about it, i just feel it's a huge accomplishment. I never knew i would be where i am today with him. I never thought we'd be as close as we are. I've learned so much about him this past year. So much.

I remember thinking when he first asked me to be his girlfriend, how hard it would be. I was completely clueless. I had no idea what i was getting myself into. When he asked me out, i knew he was just waiting to get rejected. Considering what he was asking me it was only natural for him to feel this way. "Will you be my girlfriend? Even though i won't be home for 2 more years, you will barely see me, night's alone will suck, Skype will be our best friend, etc." I knew all of this, but it was a risk i was willing to take. I had never done this long distance thing before so i had no reason to say i couldn't do it. I went into this relationship not knowing what the outcome would be. There was two outcomes. We could be fine and make it, or be miserable and break up.

I learned so much about him this past year it amazes me. I had never dated a military guy before but i had heard a lot about them...i had no reason to think he was any different. But after two months passed, three months, six months, i knew he didn't want me like that. He actually cared about me. And during the time we weren't together i learned a lot about him, because we had no other choice but to just...talk. So i learned to listen to him very well. I don't think i have ever learned so much about a person this early in a relationship. And now that i have, i can't imagine how i ever got by without him. Our timing was perfect i must say, considering i had just left an ex i had wasted the past 3 years of my life with. Just when i thought there was not one guy out there that was decent...this amazing, adorable, big hunk of a man came into my life and swept me off my feet just like that.

I got Austin an anniversary gift! I also had planned on going up to Washington for our one year. That's usually all i save my money for these days...airline tickets. He's worth it though. I don't really know what we'll do. I've never actually "celebrated" one before. I've acknowledged some...but never did anything for it. So it's kind of exciting for me. 

My Bucket List

I realize almost all of these are difficult to achieve and will never happen...but a girl can dream, right?

1. Live my life with true meaning
2. Travel to Europe
3. Find my soul mate
4. Visit the famous Wall Street
5. Have my dream home
6. Reach out to millions around the world and help them to grow and achieve their highest potential.
7. Ride a camel
8. Walk across a desert
9. Explore Antartica
10. Go stargazing
11. Witness a meteor shower
12. See the Northern Lights
13. Enable the people around me to find true love
14. Swim with dolphins
15. Experience the cherry blossoms in Japan
16. Explore Louvre in Paris
17. Explore a castle
18. Sleep in a hammock
19. Sail out in the sea for a week
20. Have a dinner in a location that overlooks the entire city
21. Fly around a city in a helicopter
22. Get a pebble to bounce off the surface of the water 4 times
23. Build a sand castle
24. Eat something weird and exotic
25. Go sky diving
26. Go on a hot air balloon ride
27. Have a functioning family of my own
28. Have a fairy tale wedding
29. Learn how to change my own oil
30. Open a dance studio, where tuition is slightly cheaper than the average studio
31. Visit all 50 states
32. Go to a super bowl game
33. Adopt
34. Get a tattoo
35. Change my last name
36. Learn to play decently at Texas Hold’em
37. Be able to identify more constellations
38. Take a US road trip from coast to coast
39. Grow a decent backyard garden by myself that survives
40. Snowboard
41. Run a marathon
42. Become a platinum frequent flyer
43. Stick to a 30 day yoga challenge
44. Go trekking in Nepal
45. Attend a broadway play
46. Attend a UT/OU football game
47. Build a house with Habitat for Humanity
48. 3 mile walk for Breast Cancer
49. Have children who are successful.
50. Own some land
51. Buy a four wheeler
52. See the broadway show “Love” in NY
53. Visit Ellis Island
54. Read all of the Twilight novels
55. Rescue an animal from a shelter
56. Become more positive
57. Receive unexpected rainbow colored flowers
58. Sleep on a beach
59. Visit a vinyard
60. Watch the sun set off the Gulf of Mexico
61. Go to the very top of the Empire State Building
62. Grow my hair long
63. Visit a Coyote Ugly
64. Meet someone extremely famous
65. Meet someone famous, unexpectedly
66. Ask Taylor Swift who her songs are about
67. Volunteer at an animal shelter
68. Experience Christmas in New York
69. Visit Disney World with my love
70. Change someones life
71. Grow old with someone i love
72. Be a good parent
73. Go to a real fashion show
74. Cliff jump
75. Take my mom on the vacation of her dreams
76. Celebrate my 100th birthday
77. Visit all 50 US States
78. Help end animal cruelty
79. Make a wish at the Trevi Fountain in Rome
80. Find a cure for cancer
81. Be an Aunt
82. Have a paint fight
83. Dye my hair a crazy color without warning anyone
84. Attend the Olympics
85. Own a polaroid camera
86. Live near the beach
87. Watch all of the Harry Potter movies in one day
88. Move to a different country
89. Have a job that travels
90. Ride a subway in New York
91. Play messy paint twister
92. Book a ticket and just leave
93. Go zorbing
94. Learn a new language
95. Swim in an infinity pool
96. Go to the airport and buy a plane ticket for a random flight
97. Be in two places at once
98. Visit all seven continents 
99. Be the maid of honor in a wedding (12-31-12)
100. Learn how to sew
101. Own a nice camera (11-16-11)
102. Live to meet my grandchildren 
103. Wake up in Vegas
104. Ride first class
105. Own a husky
106. Drive an expensive car
107. Move in with the one i love
108. Design my own dream house
109. Have someone win me a giant stuffed animal
110. Marry my best friend
111. Get kissed under a waterfall
112. Visit Hawaii with the one i love
113. Have my dream body
114. Celebrate my 100th birthday
115. Go on a safari
116. Become a millionaire 
117. See a shooting star
118. Visit Hollywood
119. Build a tree house
120. Go on a road trip
121. Eat pizza in Italy
122. Win the lottery
123. Have a healthy pregnancy 
124. Send a message in a bottle
125. Shop rodeo drive
126. Watch a meteor shower
127. Visit Tokyo, Japan
128. Watch the ball drop in Times Square
129. Learn how to surf.
130. Buy a house
131. Try every flavor of Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream
132. Go to Greece
133. Slow dance in the rain
134. Buy flowers for someone for no reason at all
135. Buy a homeless person a full meal
136. See the Grand Canyon
137. Be married to the same person for over 50 years
138. Go zip-lining
139. Walk on the great wall of China
140. Complete a scrap book
141. Read every novel written by Nicholas Sparks
142. Kiss at the top of a ferris wheel
143. Visit the mall of America
144. Kiss someone on midnight on New Years (12-31-10)
145. Kiss under the northern lights
146. Let my hair get really long
147. Bungee jump
148. Bake in the middle of the night with someone i love
149. Put a piece of gum on the gum wall in Seattle
150. Stay at a bed and breakfast
151. Ride in a private jet
152. Go to Fiji
153. Watch the sunset at the beach
154. Find a four leaf clover
155. Say "i do."

I will periodically add more to this list. I have so many things i would like to do. 

Be a friend.

Long distance relationships are tough, so we try to find things that will help make life a bit easier as we journey through the separation. We understand that we chose to pursue a military partnership, but support from our family and friends is much appreciated. Not to mention it will probably result in helping us to stay in a much better mood.

What can our civilians friends do to support us? First off, I would suggest in not badmouthing the missions and jobs of our boyfriends/husbands. We know that everyone might not agree with everything that the military does, but this is their duty and they are working hard to accomplish a job. Staying positive is a key to our sanity so your help in this manner would be great! Also, please don't suggest that we are "wasting our time" waiting for them and that we should find a man here. That's not what we want to hear and we don't want a guy here...we want our boyfriend/husband!

What we do need is for family and friends to console and comfort us when we are down. Let us whine a bit to get it all off our chest, then take us out for a good time to get our minds off of it! This does not include doing things with all couples, obviously excluding us. I don't want to be around 5 other couples all night while I am still PMSing about not seeing my husband/boyfriend in months. Girl time, just pampering ourselves, playing games, shopping, eating out, watching movies, etc. is awesome! Oh yes, all the stupid little fights that you want to complain to us about, DON'T! We would love to have our men get on our nerves...that would mean that they were here with us.

As far as things that we can do to help our family and friends understand what we are going through...education. I guess just trying to teach them more about the Military and what our men do will help them to have a better understanding of what we go through. I know some parents, siblings, and friends might have a tendency to cut down boyfriends if they feel that they are not doing their duty as a boyfriend. They will have to learn that soldiers will be often gone physically, and at times not even able to communicate. Please don't hold this against them, of course, unless there is a very good reason.

Last thing...if our soldiers call or get the chance to visit, PLEASE don't get mad if we drop everything to talk to them or be with them! It is a given that we WILL spend as much time as we can either talking or being with them physically. We miss em! 

That's all i have come up with so far...although i'm sure more will come to mind once i turn the computer off. 

100 Things I Love About You

I've seem to have forgotten all of these things...and i feel i needed a reminder.

I love...

1. The way you say “I love you” and I know you mean it.

2. When I catch you looking at me with that adoring smile on your face.

3. How I can be 100% myself when I’m around you.

4. The way you never let me down.

5. Falling asleep in your arms.

6. How you know exactly what to say and when to say it.

7. How we can cuddle up and enjoy any film together just because we are in each others arms :)

8. How we can’t spend a day apart without missing the hell outta each other.

9. How we can be so comfortable in silence.

10. You’re hugs.

11. You’re so kind.

12. How, although it scares me, you’ve become my security blanket. It’s hard for me to even fall asleep anymore without you to curl up into, without a big arm wrapped around me protectively.I won’t be able to fall asleep for quite a while...until you come home.

13. The way you’re such a worry bear!

14. When you left a rose on my door step. Made me cry like a baby.

15. How I knew you were the one for me the first moment I met you.

16. When I walk away, you follow me.

17. When you tell me you miss me.

18. Those puppy eyes you’ve got!
19. How we can spend a whole day laughing together.

20. How I feel incomplete when you’re not with me.

21. That you seem to always look forward to talking to me.

22. The little notes you write me on my wall.

23. Your taste in music.

24. How you’ve always got a beanie on. You look so adorable:)

25. You’re soo polite.

26. How you can make me smile even when I’m upset.

27. Our inside jokes that no one gets.

28. How we miss each other before we’re even gone.

29. Nothing could ever come between us.

30. When you sing along to your favorite songs. :)

31. Your kisses.

32. That you let me wear your favorite t-shirts to bed.

33. You never give up.

34. The first time you told me you loved me.

35. How we can share our secrets.

36. How I can come to you with every single little problem and you’ll make things better.

37. You understand me better than anyone else.

38. You make me feel warm inside.

39. How our minds are some how connected.

40. Every time I see you it feels like I’m falling in love all over again.

41. Your adorable texts.

42. That we can tell each other everything.

43. How you make me feel beautiful.

44. The way you comfort me when i’m upset.

45. Skyping with you.

46. You still give me butterflies whenever I see your face on skype.

47. Our Kush adventure.

48. How we can be total weirdos together!

49. Your arms;)

50. Your love for doggies;)

51. You say im perfect even though im not. Only perfect for you.

52. How we are so random together.

53. You're so different then any of the other guys i know.

54. How you know you're the best.

55. How you open up about everything to me.

56. How there is never a dull moment when we're together.

57. You always want to be by my side.

58. You're not ashamed to call me your girlfriend.

59. How you saved my life.

60. How you dance naked:)

61. You help me through all my tough times.

62. How we trust each other, i hope.

63. How you put up with my bitchy moments.

64. How intelligent you are.

65. How comfortable i am sleeping with you.

66. How you like my flaws.

67. You never judge me.

68. How you kiss me as soon as you wake up.

69. How you wanna marry me.

70. How you arent afraid to speak your mind.

71. The way you never want to hurt me.

72. How you gave me a necklace, so i can look down and know i have a man that truly cares about me.

73. How you always go out of your way to see me.

74. Our cuddles.

75. How you don’t want to lose me.

76.The smile when I’m doing something retarded.

77. How you drive...even though you scare me...i love it:)

78. Your winks...

79. How you'll take crazy pictures with me.

80. How you can handle my crazy/strong personality.

81. How your hand fits mine perfectly.

82. How you still squeeze me tight even while you sleep.

83. How you always look forward to making things better everyday.

84. Your silly hand gestures when you listen to music.

85. How you’re super funny.

86. How you call me your baby.

87. Your dougie.

88. You are constantly doing the sweetest and most thoughtful things for me and want nothing in return except to be appreciated. I don’t just appreciate you...I know you are the most precious thing that I have ever been able to call mine.

89. You're fearless.

90. The way you can leave me breathless.

91. How you wrestle around with me.

92. When i get mad you pull me to you and kiss me.

93. How you never compare me to anyone, you just love me for me.

94. How you've got me falling in love with you more and more every day.

95. You have a good heart.

96. Gorgeous eyes.

97. How you’re more like me and understand me better than anyone I have ever known.

98. When you let everyone on Facebook know that you're thinking of me and missing me.

99. How when i'm crying and upset, you're willing to just hold me and tell me it will be okay.

100. You’re basically my whole entire life and I could not imagine being without you! It’s forever baby. You’re amazing. I love you , and always will love you no matter what happens. Our love is this young but so strong. I love YOU. And ONLY you.