Escaping The Past.

I think in life, no matter how old we are or where we’ve been…we all have that one person; that one thing, that memory, that period in life that tends to make everything in life feel like it’s falling apart. It’s that phase in life that you spend your whole life trying to escape….because you don’t want to go back there. You don’t want to relive it or be reminded of who you used to be.

You just don’t want to go there.

Tonight my "demon”...a bold reminder of the person I used to be, resurfaced itself. My evening, my week, everything just feels like it’s crashing down.It’s one of those things that if i don’t lay it to rest, it will just destroy you and I.

I don't know why but sometimes i lock up. And i keep everything to myself. I can tell it destroys him but i can't control it. I feel like no matter what i do no one will ever understand what is going through my head. I feel like i could try all day to explain it but it will never sink. He always wants me to be open with him. And a lot of the time i am, but sometimes it's really hard. I feel like he tries really hard to know what i'm thinking and feeling...but i don't think he will ever understand...no matter how hard he tries. It's not his fault, it's just how i've always been. I'm working on opening up to him. I love him so much and it bothers me when i can't seem to find it in myself to open up to him and tell him what exactly is on my mind. I mean i should be able to do that by now right? I mean we've been together for forever now. Hopefully i can work around this soon. Until then this communication thing might be the death of me. I understand i talk a lot of crap most of the time. I'm hypocritical almost all the time and i get that. It's just sometimes easier to give other people advice, rather than taking it myself.