Dear Mr. Military S/O...

1. When you start out this deployment process, there is an important decision to be made. Do you want to be in a long distance relationship in the first place? If you are going to commit to a relationship, then do it; if you don't want to that is your choice, but don't fake it...there are plenty of girls who will just be a pen pal if all you want is mail. Be upfront with your girlfriend/wife about what you really want.
2. Along those lines, know that trust is important. Obviously, trust is important in all relationships, but even more so in relationships that last through deployments. You have to be able to trust each other completely, otherwise you will be consumed with doubt and that is a recipe for trouble. If you want her to trust you; you've gotta trust her too. Don't get bogged down by officers or friends who tell you that all girls cheat while their soldiers are gone. Yes, some do. But the vast majority don't...wouldn't even dream of it. Have faith in the girl you love; she is going to do the same for you.
3. Realize that you have a "war face", recognize what what your war face looks like and how it manifests itself. Please try to understand the effect it has on those around you. We know that you have to put on your war face, and that it will make you distant. That's how it has to be, and we all accept that; but it's not an easy concept to grasp until you've lived it. Please be aware of that fact and don't judge your girlfriend/wife too harshly. It's frightening to watch the man you love completely change in the beat of a heart...and it takes some getting used to. But don't take that to mean that we can't handle you or your deployment...we can. We haven't been brainwashed or misled and we willingly choose to endure the deployment from within the silent ranks because we love you. We choose to be with you the same way you have chosen to be with us.
4. I have said it hundreds of times, and ya'll will probably hear it at least that many times more: Communication is of paramount importance. That said, communicate whenever you can. Letters, emails, phone calls, photos...utilize whatever means are at your disposal. You don't have to be a prolific letter writer to make this work, but put some effort into it. For the record, emails (while nice and appreciated) do not make up for hearing your voice if you have access to phones.

Deployment is tough on everyone; no mistaking that. But, it's definitely made easier by following the steps listed above. You'll have a few disagreements, but you'll learn a lot along the way. Deployments are never simple, but they aren't impossible either...and they can make your bond unshakable.